HOLY SHHHHHHEPTEMBER!!!

As the memories of our care-free summer linger in our heads.....

September creeps in and knocks us flat on our backs, Mommy was not prepared for this....

I started coaching which means shuttling the kids back and forth to

Dad for practice, and us getting into a new routine.

Transitions......Tyler's 1st day of preschool came and went without a "1st day" picture and you might be wondering why?? Well, for a young boy who shined during the preschool screening, a little man who I had to drag out of his open house.....preschool has not come easily.....

It was pouring rain the first morning I went to drop my little guy off......when I put his new backpack on him and he almost fell over I was smacked in the face at just how little he is....

As he splashed in the puddles under my umbrella...he didn't have a care in the world....until the doors opened and the line began to move....as if my first day leaving Tyler with anyone other than family could have been any more awkward.....this school system doesn't let you actually into the school....instead, in the rain, while holding Ava and finally tossing the umbrella on the ground, I gave my little guy a hug and said "I love you, have a good day" and watched him walk into the hallway and "lineup" with the other kids, totally baffled as to what just happened......

I don't have time to linger, as if feeling my heart break Ava is crying that she can't be with her brother, and as I pick her up to comfort her and try to grab my umbrella, the tears just come.......and when we get home and I think of all the things I can do with my first couple of free hours with  my little girl, Ava decideds to take a 2 hour nap (which is unheard of for her) and the tears come again......

I think of how little he was

how quickly he has grown up, and wonder if he is doing alright...and if he's not, was there something I did......could I have prepared him better.....

When we went to go pick him up from his first day, the double doors opened and there was my little man, standing in line, and when he saw me his bottom lip quivered.....I asked the teacher how he did and she said "he cried a few times but he was easily redirected"......she talked some more but I had already stopped listening, he cried a few times, and as he tried to be brave and show me the painting he did that he was so proud of, I scooped both my kids up and tried to get to the car before anyone could notice that i was totally losing my shit!! And as we drove home and I tried to fight back these tears that seemed to be coming from nowhere, Tyler says to me, "Mommy I was crying because I was scared and I needed you".......

Okay, so maybe our first day of school didn't live up to my expectation but you bet that Tyler and I were both determined to "be brave" for the next day.....and so after the weekend when monday came, I put my crying 3 year old who wanted to "drive right by school" into the car, and convinced him that he would be okay, and he would have fun.....and eventhough he clung to my leg and cried as the doors opened for school, begging me not to go.....i looked at him, walked him into the school, gave him a hug and assured him that Ava and I would be waiting for him when school was done......then I scooped up Ava and scurried to the car again as these tears welled up inside of me......

Ava and I were distracted by swim lessons....because I swear she misses him as much as I do....and before we knew it we were on our way to pick up "our little man".  I waited with anticipation, knowing that this could go one of two ways....and when the doors opened, and I gave the teachers my name (don't even get me started on this pickup/drop off process) my little Tyler emerged with a smile on his face......and I let out a huge sigh of relief....."I'm so proud of you.....you were so brave" and he said "I'm proud of me too mommy, I only cried once!!" I figure, by the next time maybe I'll have it together enough to have a "1st day of School" picture.....or atleast the first day that Tyler and I want to remember.