Family Fun Day - June 8, 2012

It's always different in my head.....

Today when we woke up and got ready for
Tyler's last day of preschool and his "Family Fun Day" celebration

I thought it was going to be smooth sailing.

I had invited Auntie Dawnie and Logan to join us....

I had visions of us being that happy go lucky family that I always

see at the playground out of the corner of my eye as I'm picking my kid up

off the ground.....

I had visions of me being "that Mom" that just seems to have everything

under control.....cool, calm and collected......a day to just sit back and enjoy!!

We got there early.....Auntie Dawnie was even on time....

the girls played on the playground, I set up our blanket in the shade,

smooth sailing....

and then I noticed no one else was around.

My cell phone rings...

it's another parent calling to tell me we're going to the classroom first.....

I look at my watch 9:58am....it starts at 10am.....

smooth sailing.

So Auntie Dawnie (mid diaper change with Logan and 23 weeks pregnant),

Ava and I rush to the front doors of the school.....

we get inside and meet the crowd of parents....

I start to think "okay, we're fine" when Ava looks up at me and says

"Mommy I have big poops" and the bulge in her diaper told me she wasn't kidding!

So instead of being that Mom that had it all together

I am that Mom pushing through the crowd, dragging her pregnant sister with her...

finding the first bathroom and wiping her daughter's behind with toilet paper,

because I left my diaper bag over on the playground,

and putting on the same diaper pleading with her

"don't worry honey, mommy will get you all clean as soon as we go back outside"....

We emerge from the bathroom to find the crowd moving and us in the front.....

smooth sailing....

so we head to Tyler's classroom and as I walk in this is what I see...

my son......the only one without his "family fun day shirt" on...

of course I start to blame myself initially like

"oh shit did I forget to bring in a shirt for him to color?"..

but as if she heard my inner monologue his Teacher says "no, he didn't want to wear his shirt today....he said he wanted to be different"

She goes on to tell me how he cried the first half of the day....

they actually sent him to the nurses office to make sure he was feeling okay....

and I'm thinking a whole year has gone by and we are right back where we started.

I plead with him to put his shirt on because on some level I feel like we have failed

because he is the only one not wearing this stupid t-shirt....because I am the

only Mom who can't get her kid to listen....

I look around for moral support from my sister and she's gone....

because it's like 100 degrees in this classroom and she's pregnant with a toddler....

smooth sailing......

And then I look next to me at Ava and when our eyes meet she calms me.....

because she has been sitting in her little chair next to me this whole time....

she has been watching her brother, her best friend, her hero....she has been watching him

sit still and listen to his teachers....and she is doing the same thing...

and as if I've been holding my breath for the past 20 minutes, I finally exhale......

because we've come a long way this past year.....and I shouldn't let a t-shirt convince me otherwise.

And eventhough while you were singing your songs today

my camera ran out of batteries and I thought I might cry......

you were perfect!!!
And while the rest of the kids put their hands on their heart for
the Pledge of Allegiance
you were different.....you put your hand on your stomach.....
and I laughed outloud!!

So we headed out to the playground with smiles on our faces...

we find Auntie and Logan and you give Auntie a hug and she tells you

how proud she is of you.

And I watch you run around with your new friends and laugh.....

and on the car ride home the "Mom Guilt" sets in......
how could I make you feel badly about wanting to be different??
how could I have felt anything but proud?
was it my fault that you were sad at school??

I carry a sleeping Ava in from the car and put her in her crib.....
and then I give you a hug....and I don't let you go....
 I tell you how proud I am of you......and that I didn't care about the t-shirt....
and I remind you of all the friends you made over this past year...
and how you are such a big boy now....
and you look at me with your big blue eyes and say
"I know mom.....I wasn't sad at school...I just missed you!"

In my head it's always different......

but in the end, for better or for worse, there's nothing better than the real thing.